Good ol' Alan Abelson.
The BARRON'S columnist managed to tickle the bunny's funny bone in the 4/30 issue (vol. LXXXVII no.18, p.6). The bunny would like to show it to you, but he can't, because BARRON'S Online is members only, not even open to WSJ subscribers, which tells him that not only are they serious about security, but also about making money in the wired world of e-freebies.
However, you can read it for free starting tomorrow in the periodicals section of your local library (does anyone remember those?).
In this issue, double-A, whose trademark dry wit can (and probably does) round out the perfect gin martini, harps on the case of a disgruntled Iowan who, perhaps because he felt his own portfolio to be lagging while the market was leaping, expressed his displeasure by sending pipe bombs to the HQs of mutual funds in Denver and Kansas City. (In this case, "going postal" would refer to the probability that the highest casualty rate would not be in the boardroom, but the mailroom.)
The would-be Munabomber motives were not disclosed, and the FBI (like the Porsche Engineering division and Rajiv Chandrasekaran at the WASHINGTON POST before them) did not return the bunny's messages. (He is beginning to think he needs an agent.)
"That someone would indulge in so hostile an action is unequivocally reprehensible," AA writes. "But to do so while not only the Dow and the Russell 2000...were setting all-time highs and the market generally was in full roar, connotes an extraordinary degree of frustration. Anyone unfortunate enough to own shares that have been left behind by this historic rally can't help but experience a touch of empathy for the tormented soul."
That's what got the bunny going, because he thinks it portends a rash of stock market manipulation by force, a proud tradition going all the way back to the hoary 1990s. That bull market attracted all sorts of sundry unsavory types, including the unmanicured classes such as foreign and domestic crime syndicates (okay, the latter, at least, probably do get regular manicures). For a quick 'n dirty summary, try Gary Weiss' plain brown wrap-up for BUSINESS WEEK all the way back in, good gravy, 1996: http://www.businessweek.com/1996/51/b35061.htm
The bunny puts any shock and awe you may be experiencing down to cultural amnesia, but really, he thought you might've remembered. After all, this was the stuff of a Sopranos episode, and he knows that humans are primarily visual creatures who believe that TV mirrors reality (what else would you call all that voyeuristic video-mongering about noncompliant dogs and junk food factories, "fantasy" shows?).
If one screwed-up college kid can become the high scorer in his very own first-person shooter game, then surely some enterprising entrepreneurs with a little savvy and a couple of semiautomatics can go well beyond the venerable pump-and-dump scheme? At a time when low volume amidst gloomy GDP and record fuel prices mean that the slightest bit of financial flatulence can push markets well beyond the pendulum of more peaceful times, such bold initiatives may be just what the doctor will have to patch up later after the markets go turbo down the road, across the divider, through the guard rail and over the side of the burning Bay Bridge.
The bunny knows that humans can't resist an offer they can't refuse.
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